Saturday, June 5, 2010

Men--The Ultimate Multi-Taskers!

I had a very interesting conversation with the She-wolf last week that illustrates something about marriage, something about women, and most definitely something about men. Faithful followers of Darrell's Yakimania have come to appreciate the thoughtful insights that I have shared on this worldwide blog in previous posts. In fact, several astute followers have suggested that I should consider starting a talk show to compete with Dr. Phil. Firstly, let me say Dr. Phil is a chump, but more importantly, I seriously doubt that it would be much of a competition. The following dialogue between us while I was trying to watch TV illustrates what I'm talking about.

Shewolf: "Are you going to change the light bulbs in the den during one of the breaks?"

I was "watching" (switching back and forth between) the Suns-Lakers game and the Mariners-Tigers game.

Me: "Yeah, I'll get to it."

...30 minutes later.

"Remember we have company coming, and I would really like to have the light bulbs changed sometime tonight."

"Sure I'll get to it."

...30 minutes later. Now quite frustrated, the She-wolf politely asked me an entirely legitimate question: "Do you think you could change the light bulbs during one of the breaks for ads?" And then added with a tone of sarcasm, "I usually try to multi-task by taking care of chores during the ads."

She was suggesting that I do the same. but was missing the point entirely. In her female brain she was thinking that using the breaks for ads to take care of little chores was an efficient use of time, and that this represented how superior she is at "multi-tasking." However, she failed to comprehend how complex and deep the male psyche really is.

To make my point, I enlightened her on this subject:

"Dear, you are suggesting that I multi-task by taking care of this little chore during the ads, but what you have failed to consider is how totally involved I am right now. Look at me. I am a veritable 'multi-tasking machine.' I am watching two riveting games at the same time. I am still digesting my food--which incidentally was wonderful. Thank you very much for another outstanding and delicious meal, if I didn't already say so. I am having intermittent and important conversations with my wife, which has something to do with light bulbs, AND I am managing vital bodily functions, including breathing, which is keeping me alive for yet another day so that I can work hard to support the family. For crying out loud woman, what more can a man do?! Just thinking about all that I am doing right now is exhausting. I can't possible even think about light bulbs at this moment. I am sure that I will get the light bulbs changed sometime before our company arrives. However, if I don't, it's very unlikely that our company will want to visit in the den, so we're probably safe, even if I don't get to it. So, if you don't mind, can we finish this conversation after the completion of these games?" Brilliant, don't you think?

At this, she mumbled something that sounded like this as she left the room: "(mumble mumble) Men! (mumble, mumble) idiotic! (mumble, mumble)..."

As you might expect, I was quite impressed with my observations. As I have thought more deeply about this exchange between my wife and I, I have realized just how accurate my insights were on this subject, and how good men really are at multi-tasking. Sometimes we get a bum-rap for being simple minded and incapable of handling multiple, complex tasks at the same time. However, this is simply not true. If a female that you know disagrees with this assessment, go ahead and issue the following challenge:

1. Operate the remote control with precision and style while following two important sporting events;

2. Manage important bodily functions that sustain life;

3. All the while reliving your glory years and reminiscing about what a great athlete you used to be.

...Now that takes some real energy!

Attached is a picture of the pool, which Sheila somehow managed to get cleaned and ready for next weekend's company, despite putting on a funeral dinner for the family of a sister that died in our ward, processing numerous food orders, preparing a lesson for Sunday, exercising everyday, studying her scriptures, completing her visiting teaching and maintaining an immaculate home. While that might sound impressive, I am sure she is not capable of operating the remote control in a fashion that truly represents higher level multi-tasking.