Sunday, August 1, 2010

Darrell's "Bag of Trick"

Have you ever thought you were totally cool, only to have your bubble burst by people entirely incapable of appreciating your awesomeness?...Well, my vast worldwide readership may be surprised to hear this, but it happens to me--a lot. Every time we water ski, I break out this really cool trick that I learned from my younger brother, Jeff. It's not that hard to do, but it's way fun and looks more impressive than it actually is. So, of course, as one who never wants to draw attention to himself, I have to whip it out and show this generation of wake-boarders that our generation of skiers had their tricks too. Mistakenly, I mentioned this to one of my children, who felt compelled (I suppose on grounds of age alone) to be disagreeable. Our dialogue went something like this:

"Dad, I don't know why you don't get with it and learn to wake-board?"

"Well, skiing is old school, and I am old and smart; therefore, I ski. Besides when you throw up a cool tail, it's like poetry in motion. (I then waxed philosophic, and sage, which I am wont to do) You see, skiing on a slalom ski is rhythmic and pure. It's like ballet on water--except very macho, of course."

"But dad, all you do is go back and forth. It's not like you can do tricks, like you can on a wake-board."

"Au contraire mon frere. I have tricks. Apparently you have forgotten my 'outrigger.' If that's not an utterly amazing trick, I don't know what is."

"Whoa. Did you say 'tricks?' Dad, I've got to give you props for the outrigger. It's the bomb for sure, but it's 'a trick.' You don't have 'tricks' you have 'a trick.' "

Now my vast worldwide readership is probably wondering why I don't just add another trick to my repertoire. Well, I've tried. I about killed myself trying to learn to barefoot ski, and to be honest, I'm done with that. I'm not sure my body can recover from what is obviously required to learn to barefoot ski. I meticulously researched "waterski tricks" on line and everything that looked tricky, also required the athleticism of Zeus. So apparently, I am stuck for life with a singular trick.

Ever since this conversation, the "outrigger" has become known as "Dad's bag of trick." I get into the water and the mocking immediately begins. "Watch out, Dad's gonna break out his 'Bag of Trick' " or "Quick. Get out the cameras, it's time for the 'Bag of Trick.' " Despite this unmerciful teasing, somehow I can't help myself. I feel almost compelled to do my thing and drop the outrigger.

On our last family vacation, Nick Jordan brought his new camera and kindly took a few pics of my "Bag of Trick." And so... for posterity's sake, here it is "Darrell's Bag of Trick."

Boys and Girls, the first two pics are demonstrations of what we used to do before the introduction of wake-boards.

The sequence of pics below is what I correctly refer to as "the outrigger." However, certain less enlightened individuals (all of whom happen to be immediate familial relations) from the wake-board generation generally seem to be incapable of appreciating this bit of H2O trickery and disparagingly refer to it as my "Bag of Trick."